I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just pynch a tree in the face
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
