good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
