It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
