Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
