I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's rum buckets o'clock
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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