It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
