Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
