Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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