Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
