im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
