okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
