i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize