The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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