have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
