mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
