Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
