ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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