piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Small penises have feelings too.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
