I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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