doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i will never coherently bang her
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
