Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
