I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
