I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
