So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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