im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
