Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
