it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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