i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
