My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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