He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
