I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize