Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
