And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
