It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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