Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
