I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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