nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
