well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
