Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
