When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
