i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sext me about skeletons
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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