i just wanna soil my oats bro
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
