I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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