puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
