dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What a dumb baby whore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
