bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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