Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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