hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
