You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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