my sisters under your porch take her home
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
