so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
