i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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