24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
