Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
