so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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