Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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