Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
