i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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