thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
