I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
