so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
