This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
