Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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