can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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