you would pick up someone in the library
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
