So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
