I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize