the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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