Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
