Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
