TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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