I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
