all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
