you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
